Today I got a bill from my bank's credit card for $8968. The problem is that I never use that card and I don't know anything about this "purchase". I haven't got a clue as to how someone was able to spend this much on a card I never ever use. I called the bank and they blocked the card--too late for that purchase. Maybe they will have to eat that money because I'm not paying it. I'll rob that bank first; I have my starter's pistol and it makes a very loud noise. I could wear a mask, but it spoils my looks and I'm sure that it will show up on their hidden cameras and eventually on Facebook and U-Tube. They can't arrest me for using a starter's pistol--it's only used to start races like the 100 yd. dash so it is not an armed weapon with real bullets. Anyway, I wonder what someone could buy for $8968??
Last Wednesday was my 89th birthday, and I realized that I was really a little oldish. I own two canes, a three wheel and a two wheel walker, and an electric scooter; and, oh yes--a 1999 Malibu with 92000 miles on it. I have all of these devices because I'm the kind of guy who needs to live in a bubble. Since leaving a cruise ship last December, I've had pneumonia, I fell and spent three days in the hospital and a couple of weeks in the Manor Care rehab. Then I developed a urinary infection and a nurse had to come each day to administer anti-biotics from an IV! After that experience I started coughing spasms several times a day and was diagnosed with COPD. That along with PTSD didn't do me much good. I'm just getting over that and wondering what affliction is on its way. I feel like Job. And now the bank says I owe then $8968! There must be a reason for all this misery, and I think I know what it is; I'm friggin' old! (But I'm avoiding the alternative--as long as I am able. Give me a little credit folks.)
Send in the Clowns!
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