...I've been thinking lately about the relationship between husbands and wives. If a marriage is going to last, it's really, really important for a guy to know how to treat his wife. First of all, to go back to the future, after you are pronounced man and wife--or husband and wife--you must immediately lift her veil and give her a huge kiss. At the reception, which typically is paid for by the bride's parents, and you (the guy), usually pays for the band--and perhaps an open bar. She'd be happy that her parents don't have to pay the whole thing. This reception has to be much better than the reception her friends made. If it doesn't look like it's going to reach a loftier, more expensive, height, then you must dig down into your pocket and make it so. This will assuage any disappointment she might have from the start. Then, of course, if you haven't learned to dance--well you had better have taken lessons long before this nuptial day because your bride, most often, loves to dance. You must dance at her wedding; it's really her wedding, not yours. Now, if you have lots of assets and you're thinking of a pre-nup--just forget it; she'll be thinking it's no way to start a marriage because a pre-nup, she'll feel, indicates mistrust.
...After all the dishes, after the flowers, and after the silverware have been removed from the table; after the guests have stuffed the envelopes in your pocket and the band has packed up their instruments, microphones, and their loud speakers, it is time to go off on your honeymoon; now not just any honeymoon--it must be a honeymoon and a half, beyond that of her friends--somewhere magical, romantic, and costly.
...But the first night is a night in a hotel to quickly consummate the union--if you have not already pre-consummated it. When you return from your honeymoon (actually hers) you sometimes stay in her parents' house or your parents' house before you decide where you're going to live on your own. Of course, she'll prefer a house rather than a confined apartment where the closet space is not large enough to shelve her shoes. If you have the wherewithal, then by all means buy her a house. If you don't, then go ahead and borrow the wherewithal from your bank if you have one; you can pay off the house in 30 years and the loan in 50. Then it's incumbent upon you to buy a life insurance policy that will allow her to live in the style to which she has become accustomed in the event you die first; that's likely to occur, especially if you are at least ten years older than she is.
...Naturally, at some point, your wife will want a family. This is not something she can achieve without your help. Actually, she has aspired for a family long, long, before she met you; that could be why she chose to marry you--even though she might not have been that much into you. At any rate, you agree knowing that you will be losing her working income. So, at last, a couple of kids are born, and you must show that you are a loving father and a helpful husband; do the dishes, diaper and bathe the children, put money away for their education, clear the table, vacuum the floors, wash the windows, take the kids to Disney Land, and be sure to take out the garbage and put the toilet seat down. etc. I always wondered why she shouldn't put the toilet seat up. For having given you a son and a daughter, you have to give her something to show how much you love her, (the kids don't count) preferably diamond earrings--or better yet, a bracelet, or even better, a diamond necklace. If cars were made of diamonds that gift would be huge.
...If you've never been married you have no idea what happens after the kids leave the nest, and it's a good thing that you don't. If the happenings are good happenings then the marriage may last 50 years, and to celebrate, after a fashion, you can reconstruct the party you had 50 years earlier. However, if the happenings are bad ones, she is liable to leave you after 30 years or kick you out of the house after fifteen. So, men, be cautious, alert, focused, and constantly aware of how you treat your woman. She's an angel.
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