"And we shall never meet the Twain" (NRR)

…..Yesterday, Time Magazine had an article about Mark Twain’s new unexpurgated memoir, “Autobiography of Mark Twain,”  at the No.2 spot on the New York Time’s best seller list.  I did not know that he had written his memoirs and I was honored to think that we both had written one—although his memoirs are published in three volumes with just the first one 744 pages compared to my 375.  It’s hard to believe that he did three times as many things to write about as I did.  He also hired a stenographer to get his words down on paper, while I had the advantage of my computer, which I did not have to dictate to.  (And hopefully I will be forgiven for ending a sentence with a preposition. Winston Churchill, when told not to end a sentence with a preposition, replied, “This is the kind of arrant nonsense up with which I will not put!”)  At his death on April 21, 1910 he stipulated that his memoir was not to be published fully for 100 years while I published mine as quickly as I was able to after it was finished. According to the article, Twain was concerned that he had “unchained” himself and that the book would be too full of acidic opinions against the “follies and wickedness of his times.”  These included his rantings against the institution of slavery, the gluttony of the age, and the Spanish-American War. He described the American soldiers in the Philippines as uniformed assassins. He also fulminated against the criminal malfeasance of the business world.  Because of these views, it is needless to say his popularity in the polls would not be something to be proud of.

…..According to Mark Twain, because of the many indelicate views he voiced, he opted to “speak from the grave” .Right from a page of his manuscript (in TIME) I was able to decipher his writing and he had this to say: “I speak from the grave rather than with my living tongue, for a good reason; I can speak freely.  When a man is writing a book which is to be read while he is still alive—he shrinks from speaking his whole, frank mind; all his attempts to do it fail; he recognizes that he trying to do a thing which is wholly impossible to a human being.  The frankest and privatest product of the human mind & heart is a love letter…”  Ah, ain't that the truth!

….And  I found Twain's views to be true while I was writing my memoirs.  Indeed, I neglected to write all my frank views about people, the times I was living in, and life in general.  I also did not think about the idea of having my book published 100 years after my death so I, too, would be “speaking from the grave”.  The probability is that the book would never be published and that my manuscript would gather dust in someone’s attic.  Who knows whose?  I also did not write my memoir as Twain suggested a memoir ought to be written; and that is, the writer should not be concerned about time lines, but that he should promote his ideas and his memories in any order that they occur to him.  Hmmmmm.  That would have been a help to me; there are many memories I have had since I published my memoirs that I didn’t recall while writing it.  Also, Mark Twain used that as his pen name; he was born Samuel Clemens.  I forgot to use my pen name, the Baron.  It’s too late now.  Besides, I couldn’t come close to 744 pages and then two volumes after that.  I really shouldn’t complain—I just got a check of $33.99 for royalties!  Twain is not going to collect anything, being that he is in the grave.  At least I am financially better off than he.